10 things I really love

1. Hot baths
2. Hot chocolate
3. Lie ins
4. Pretty shiny gadgets
5. Guerlain chocolates
6. TV
7. Sylvanian families figures (cough, I mean I love to give them to my daughter)
8. Red wine
9. Snuggling in bed
10. Pizza

ps: that I love my kids is a given. This is a list of random stuff

10 things I can't stand

1. Cold tea
2. Luke warm baths
3. Leeks
4. Being cold (are you noticing a theme)
5. Wet weather
6. People who have their fog lights on when its just a bit misty and its REALLY not necessary to have them on.
7. Husband leaving beard shavings in the sink
8. People that are judgemental of other people
9. One rule for us, another rule for you.... (style of management)
10. When things like remote controls or mouses (mice? - the computer kind) run out of batteries

Me laid bare

I write this blog because I enjoy it. I do not ask to be judged or critisized. Nor am I begging for approval (although who would turn it down, really?).

But this is my blog. This is me. Here are some facts about me:

1. I'm shit at keeping the house tidy
2. I am a bit of a flirt
3. I like to spend time on my own
4. I let the kids watch tv all day on weekends (if they want to and we're not going out)
5. I have mental health issues
6. I love my children
7. I love my husband (and lets face it who else would put up with him - he'd say the same about me)
8. I'm honest and straight forward
9. I'm very loyal to my friends
10. I love writing

 If you like or can relate to what I write, please feel free to comment or just read if you prefer.

If you don't like what I write or judge what I do, then please, unless you have some constructive comments or suggestions, please keep your judgemental hurtful opinions to yourself. 

This is the last I'm going to say on the matter. I am going to continue writing my blog. I will write what I want to write about, what feels right to me. 

Deleted last post

As quite frankly I'm at the end of my tether as it is and don't need a load of "anonymous" people telling me what a shit mother I am. I guess honestly isn't always the best policy.

Successful lunch for 25 and my residual desire to be self-employed

So yesterday went well. I am still recovering. Yesterday was our annual Christmas Lunch with our friends. We started doing it a few years ago - I think it might have been after my first child, Joshua, was born. We had not been able to keep up with many of our friends socially as we had a baby and you kind of have to save the occasions when Grandparents babysit to the essentials - overnight jobs for weddings or special occasion type parties, that kind of thing. So we didn't often just go out for lunch or dinner with friends as that would use up a much needed babysitting voucher. So that first year we invited a few friends for dinner or lunch. There tended to be between 8 and 14 people roughly, including me and hubby. However, after putting the invite on Facebook this year and expecting the usual 8 or so people to be available, I got an amazing response. So many that I was actually starting to worry about pulling it off and have to admit I wasn't too upset when a few people cancelled on us. It ended up being about 25 people in the end. And a few last minute cancellations meant we had 22 or 23 in the end. I first of all booked our favourite local pub. I do love this place. It is comfortable, has a nice atmosphere, lovely staff and on the whole good food. But I have a couple of bones to pick. It has annoyed me that they seem to regularly take my favourite food off the menu (baked camembert). What reason would they have to serve that in the summer and then take it off the menu in the winter? Surely you need (or maybe crave is a better word) food like that in the winter more than in the summer. Anyway, I also wasn't particularly impressed with their Christmas menu. They would not allow us to order A La Carte and their xmas menu was fairly standard typical Christmas food. Turkey, beef, roast.... and I didn't fancy a single one of the options they had. Plus the menu worked out at around £25 per head which is quite expensive. I ended up opting for a Zizzi's in town. I love Italian food. Can't get enough of it. Love goats cheese and mozzarella and dough sticks and pizza. Plus they allowed us to choose the A La Carte menu (in the end only myself and two other people chose that option) and their Christmas menus varied from £16.95 to £24.95 and had plenty of choice and very yummy options. I'm so glad I changed my choice of restaurant. Although to be fair the main issue was that the pub did not have wheelchair access and one of my friends is in a wheelchair so that really sinched (is that a word - it sounds like I mean) the decision for me (I mean that it really made up my mind for me).

So with that decision made, I sent out the invitation by email and facebook (also an initial text message too for those that don't check their emails or FB very often). Then a few weeks before the event, I started chasing people for their final RSVP and also their deposits.

I had a spreadsheet that tracked everything for me. It evolved as the time went on. First of all it was just to track who I had invited and whether they responded. I am a very visual person so I had it so that anyone who had said "yes" was highlighted in Green, no's were in Red and maybes in Orange. Then it evolved and I had columns for number of adults, number of children, total people (then another set of columns to show total numbers accepted), columns to track meal option choices, actual course choices, whether I'd received the deposit or not, special dietary requirements, then price of their meals, minus deposit so I had value of what they would owe at the end of the meal. I also did a summary tab which pulled the menu options into one simple table, listing name, starter, main course and desert. I printed off this sheet for each person. I did another table (a pivot table to be exact) that pulled the amount owed per individual (before deposit and then after deposit), another one that showed per couple how much was owed (for those parties of more than one). I printed a copy each for each person or couple/family. Wrote their names on the front, highlighted that individuals data for ease of use and stapled it all together.

The restaurant had already shown me in emails that they were impressed with my organisation so far but when I handed them a copy of this pack that I had made for everyone they were just amazed and seemed also very grateful. The lady in charge told me that I could come back and do other parties for her. I think she was joking but it really made me think. The guests all seemed pretty impressed too. I just wanted to make the paying mallarcky a lot simpler. Everyone would know what they had at least for what they ate. They would have to sort out cost of drinks and tips among themselves but at least knowing what each person owed was a little easier and I think they appreciated that.

I so enjoyed organising it. The truth is when I have a project to organise, a spreadsheet to manage, is when I am at my happiest.

This little experience also made me think more about my desire to work for myself. I often fantasised about working for myself when I was working part time in a job/company that I didn't really enjoy working for and where I always felt unappreciated and unhappy. However, then I was made redundant and I found this job and decided to go full time. I am happier than I was. The drive is long but I'm enjoying my little bug Florence (my car). I'm not as busy as I'd have liked and I spend a lot of my time at the moment reading blogs, organising my personal life. I would rather have the sense of achieving something (in work) but I am hoping that will come. But that need to be my own boss, to run a business that is my baby... .has not gone away. Its still there. I have tried my hand at being self-employed in the past. I used to be in a Blondie Tribute act. We were pretty good and fairly successful. I fantasised about doing that full time - about declaring the money we were earning. Doing everything by the book. I could be in charge of the paperwork, the running of the business, the running of the diary.... Sadly it was not to be. I got a new very demanding job and after a few months of feeling like I was being pulled from pillar to post, I quit the band. I tried making hand made cards. I loved the feeling that I got when someone praised me for the lovely card I'd sent them or sold them. But the money was never anything more than pocket money. In fact it was more a way of feeding my habit so I could buy MORE and more craft supplies (a lot of which just sat in a cupboard). Then I tried bath bomb making. My hubby got me a kit one year before I had my son. I loved making them. I experimented with different styles and smell and ended up selling them. I set up a page on Facebook and a website and got quite a lot of business through word of mouth. I started doing Christmas stalls. I put in a huge amount of effort into making all the bath bombs, presenting them nicely, making sure I had flyers and business cards. I wanted to do it professionally. I had dreams of having a shop, or even a warehouse where I would maybe even employ some people to make them for me when I got too busy to do it myself. Sadly the amount of time needed to turn it into a successful business wasn't time I had and I was not able to take a break from working to focus on it. Then I went through a phase of going crazy about organising things. Encouraged by feedback of my organising exploits that I'd detailed on Facebook to some of my friends, I set up a blog about Organising. I got very good feedback. Someone commented that I should become a professional organiser. I didn't even know such a thing existed. I looked into it and realised that there were professional organisers and that they actually did pretty well for themselves. I had business cards done. I helped a friend (for free) to completely organise her play room (took photos so I could start up a "portfolio"). I was so sure that this was the thing that would get me out of being an "employee" and give me the freedom to be my own person. Then I was made redundant and after a few weeks of staying home with the kids (not full time but about 3 days a week), I found that I couldn't manage to organise ANYTHING. I completely lost confidence. I spent a lot of time job hunting, going to interviews, doing housework (and worrying about what an absolutely SHITE housewife and stay at home mother I was), and I lost that buzz for that idea. I guess I just completely lost my confidence to organise things. I got this job and started working full time (started Mid October) and have been too busy really to even think about organising and blogging about it.

Then I decided to start a Twitter account so that I could "micro-blog" anonymously. So that some judgemental people that I have had issues with in the past could not see me and I could use this avenue to express myself without fear of judgement (sometimes the worst judgement can come from people you actually know!! - and that kind hurts more). But then I started this blog as I realised that I had more to say than I could fit in 140 characters and I don't think I'm going to look back. I realised also (after getting carried away on my organising blog with advertising and trying to earn money from blogging) - I've since been spending a lot more time reading other blogs and I've learnt that I prefer the blogs that don't have advertising and afterall, why do I do this? Its because I enjoy it. Its a space for me to be me and talk and discuss things that interest me. Although I did decide when I created it that it would not be my moaning spot. That's something I have been criticised about on Facebook that I use it as a place to take out my frustrations - although I thought that it was for expressing yourself - whether that meant good or bad thoughts - but this space, my blog, I decided that (apart from the odd bit of expessing something that's bothered me) mostly it will be for me to focus on the good stuff. But I like to keep it honest and true. I'm not going to only tell you the good stuff that happens as I don't want anyone to think I'm perfect in anyway, cos I'm not.

Anyway, back to the business thing. The way I successfully pulled off this lunch really made me think again. I had previously considered the idea of running an event planning business. In fact, I had got very excited about the idea. At this point I was inbetween jobs. I'd not yet been offered the job I'm now in and I guess I was clutching at straws. Desperate to find a way to get out of this cycle of interviews, trying to pump myself up, not getting the job, finding myself fall into a depressed state, feeling worthless, having to pump myself back up for another interview, etc etc. I even tentatively discussed the idea with my dad. Who discussed it with my mum. Who texted me the following text:

Hi xxxx! I just wanted to say that I agree with Daddy

that your greatest asset is your ability to speak Spanish

and you could be a very good teacher if you set your mind

to it. Forget all these other ideas. You have no experience

of party planning. There's a lot more to it than you may

realise. Stick to what you are really good at. Love Mummy. 

I get that she is just wanting to protect me from failure. She is right, I am good at spanish and was not a terrible teacher when I was giving spanish lessons for a bit of spare cash, but I didn't enjoy it that much in the end. I found the pressure to prepare for the lessons rather hard and felt rather put on the spot. Also I did apply to do a teacher training course. I even went as far as sitting in on lessons in a school. But the teachers at the school seemed so jaded and didn't really seem to enjoy it that much. I realised that maybe I didn't have it in me to go through with it. And then when I was turned down for the course as I didn't speak French (for a course to teach Spanish - why would I need french too>????) that really closed the deal for me. I wrote off that idea. So I suppose my my parents (and indeed my husband's too probably) minds I am a flitter. I flit from one idea to the next. Get really excited about the prospect and then drop it when it becomes apparent that its not quite going to be what I hoped it would be.  But I really feel like party planning could be something I could do very successfully in the future. My parents don't seem to realise that I have been a PA for over 10 years. I have planned conferences with 50+ people. I also arranged a surprise babyshower for my best friend. I have organised more parties than I care to remember. 

I felt quite hurt receiving that message. I felt like my feelings, thoughts, aspirations were being dismissed. 

I don't want to be a private spanish teacher. I want to run my own business. A business. Not just me doing a service. I want a business that could potentially grow. That could expand and evolve. 

Anyway, I think I've rambled on long enough. I may look into how much party planners charge and start doing a bit of research. 

My husband

I thought I would start off a little blog series to introduce my family. I thought I had better start with the long-suffering husband. The man who said "I do" at the alter (I think he actually meant "I will" - "I will have lots of sex with you until I die" - I know my husband and the way his brain works! haha. The man who puts up with my frequent freak outs and my shoppaholicism (made that word up) and the man that while perhaps seemingly a bit tight with money, will occasionally splash out and get me something I have hankered after for a long time (recently an iMac - oh and a new car - although technically I'm paying for the car myself). Anyway, here are some facts about my dear husband. Oh and a piccie.

Me and hubby on our wedding day (no I don't look like that anymore)

• He loves to cook
• He has gone from being a lazy worker in a shittyish (well paid but dull) job where he surfed the net all day (more or less) to being a bit of a workaholic (boo) but being really good at his new job and I reckon progressing up the ladder. Am proud of him
• He does pretty much all the DIY in the house. I am useless
• He has forgiven me more times than I care to remember.
• He loves QI
• He brews beer in our garage
• He likes to windsurf (in Turkey usually - there just isn't the time here - plus its cold!!!)
• He plays guitar (although also not much time for that these days)
• He has big ideas and dreams (but I think he'll achieve them)
• Although he works in IT he's rubbish with gadgets - go figure (is that too american a saying for a Brit to say?)
• He chased me for 3 months before finally giving up - at which point I missed the attention (and him) and decided to go out with him
• He is a fab dad
• I think that will do for now. I'm hoping he doesn't read this as it will make his head grow to the size of a pumpkin!

This pumpkin in fact:

Hubby and son (actual name Joshua - might as well as I've "come out" now)

7 Things you didn't know about me

OK, so suddenly have this idea for a blog post which I have shamelessly STOLEN from the lovely Tamsyn from "Anecdotes of a Manic mum" blog. Here is the blog post in question.

I am currently totally addicted to her blog. I am a little bit anal about things - I hate coming to TV shows in the middle of the series and if I really like a show, if I miss an episode I'll download it to make sure I don't miss anything. So, I read one of Tamsyn's blog entries and loved her style of writing - she is so witty and entertaining - that I decided I had to start at the beginning of her blog and catch up to the beginning. So Tamsyn, if you are reading this, please STOP WRITING BLOG POSTS until I've caught up. Not really. Am actually catching up at a hell of a lick.

So anyway, back to my "7 things you don't know about me".

1. I used to sing in bands and actually applied for this years X-Factor. Sadly they thought I was rubbish.

2. I am a shopaholic. No. Seriously. Not just someone who occassionally treats themself to make themself better. I was using shopping as medicine. Not massive purchases although I did order a Mac Laptop on a whim the other night (had to cancel the order the next morning). I had to give my hubby access to my account and give up carrying cards with me and only carry small amounts of cash around with me a while back until I could get it back under control.

Wow. This is a lot harder than I thought.

3. I secretly long for the day my kids leave home to go to university (I am going to be the "Woman who went to bed for a year" - see book by Sue Townsend).

4. My father is an alcoholic (currently not drinking)

5. I lived abroad for most of my childhood (from age 5 to 16)

6. I once earned money by dubious means. I won't say how for fear of shaming my poor children. But lets just say I'm now a totally reformed character and it was only 6 months when I was 18 or 19 years old. Hmmmm. Leave this bit in or delete?

7. When I am really down or poorly, my favourite things to eat are: Sainburies Walnut & Gorgonzola Tortellini with 3 cheese sauce, Guerlain sea shell chocolates, houmous and pitta bread (sometimes chilli houmous and often will be sundried tomato and olive pitta bread - sainsburies),

8. (yes, I know its meant to be 7 things but I'm on a roll now) I only drink earl grey tea without any milk in it.

There you have it. Do you feel blessed to know me better? lol

A bit about me and stuff

A bit about me

Excuse me if I don’t get my words out today. I have a frigging SPLITTING headache. 

I thought I might get this blog thingy rolling by putting some words together about me, who I am, what my life is like blah blah blah

Me now

I’m 35 years old mum of 2 kids (girl, 2 and boy, 4). Wife to one husband. Got 2 dogs, a snake, a rabbit and 6 chickens. Hubby works from home most of the time and travels quite a lot (although is on a break from that now at least until after xmas). I recently started working full time after being made redundant from my previous company. I’m loving the new job and the full time pay (although only received the first two weeks so far) but I’m finding the commute (gone from a 5 minute commute to at least an hour - and thats if I don’t have to drop the kids off at various places first which I usually do). 

History

I grew up kind of around the world as my dad worked in the oil industry. While this was good in many ways, it kind of left me feeling like I didn’t have a base to call home. So therefore I’ve never really wanted to live in different countries. Travelling? No problem, but not living abroad. And not “dragging” my kids around the world with me. Not that I’m saying it was terrible but you really did have to learn to make friends easily. Guess it made me who I am today. 

I moved to England with my mum and sister when I was about 16-17. My father continued to work abroad until quite a few years later until he retired and developed (or rather it became apparent that he had developed) a problem with alcoholism. I went to college in the town in Surrey where we had moved to and that’s where I met my husband. I quit college to work for a couple of years and then went to university when I was living with my then boyfriend/fiance. We married in my 2nd year at uni. That was 13.5 years ago. Man time flies. 

We were quite late (apparently in everyone elses opinions) at getting on the having babies train, but I’m glad it worked out that way. Wouldn’t have hurt if we’d have got on with it a year or two earlier. Might have avoided a few marital hiccups along the way. But they do say what doesn’t kill you (or your marriage) makes you (or it) stronger!??

Back to now

So now we have two beautiful babies. I’m back in work full time (which I never thought I’d do - never thought I wanted to). I hated my last job. There was something about the building, the company that never quite felt right to me. I thought it was because deep down I wasn’t meant to work in a 9-5 job, stuck inside in an office. But actually I’m loving my job. I’m stuck in front of spreadsheets all day. And I’m in heaven. I’ve made friends already and I have to say for once in pretty much the whole of my working life, I’m happy. 

My husband and I are looking at moving - probably not straight away but in the next couple of years so are looking occasionally at nice big houses with no adjoining neighbours and in slightly more rural settings. 

Life is busy and a bit stressful and its really hard to get my bum to the gym twice a week when all I want to do when I get home is veg on the sofa and watch TV or have a bath and go to bed. But I’ll keep on going as its worth it. Its all good! 

Oh please follow me on twitter - https://twitter.com/mum_in_a_hurry