Wednesday

I feel like I have lost my blogging mojo slightly. Recently some people (family members and friends) found out about my blog and while I had never intended to use this blog as a way to bitch about people, I guess I'm a little wary of being judged for what I say. But what the hell! Its my blog and I can say what I want.

I'd just say that if you don't like what I write, just don't read my blog. As that cult kids TV show used to say, Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your Television Set Laptop and Go and Do Something Less Boring Instead?

The last week (its Wednesday) feels like its been going slowly but also has gone fast, if that makes sense, in a blur of being woken up early and being bounced on by kids until we get up, getting kids dressed, getting ready myself, driving to work, being at work (this bit goes slowly), driving home from work, picking the kids up (if husband not doing it), sorting kids out for bed (then putting one or other or both of them back to bed 250 times), evening activities (insert watching TV, doing exercises, putting clothes away or just plain going to bed exhausted) & repeat.

I've been starting to feel like I'm getting a cold. I went out to Wokingham today to go to a health food shop and buy a load of vitamins and oil things. Hoping starting to take these helps me feel a bit better. I have a feeling its just life. I really thought that doing this "detox" (or a variation on it) would make me start to feel a little healthier but if I'm honest, I have mild runs, I've been on a milk period for a week and a half (this came on in the middle of my pill packet), I'm feeling just as tired in the morning as I was before. And now I just can't have my coffee in the morning. Maybe I should just accept that, at this phase in my life (i.e. while the kids are little and I'm working in a far away/non-flexible full-time job), I am just going to be tired all the time. So if I need a couple of coffees during the day or a glass of wine in the evening, why shouldn't I! I'm torn. If all this healthy eating and not drinking IS making me somehow healthier then I don't want to start slipping into old habits. Its not so much the idea of ONE DRINK or ONE LATTE at the weekends, but that one, with me, seems to lead to one every day and then a couple every day. Until I need it to get by. I worry that I'm like my dad in that respect. I don't overdo it very often at all (the occasional night out) but I do find myself relying on things (food, wine, coffee) to "get me through" or make me feel better.

Detox Day 4 - I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat!

10.00 ish - I am such a moron. I have been convinced that I was pregnant. I looked so bloated and couldn't see that the bulge that is my tummy could be just fat. I was sure somehow my pill had not worked and I'd got pregnant. Like I said in a previous post, a tiny little part of me likes the idea of one more - we would be forced to become much more family-centric. Maybe given no choice I would have to be a better SAHM than I have been on the few days I've had to do it. But the relief was huge when I saw the words "Not Pregnant" in that little digital screen of the pregnancy test. I just had to get one this morning because I had to know one way or the other. Now I know. I'm not pregnant, just fat. Hopefully this detox diet will see to that problem slowly.

13:13. Just had lunch with a very nice lady who works here. I will call her Sally. She does something that I want to do but is having some issues since the reshuffle. I don't want to go into too many details but I just wanted to say that I feel like I've met a kindred spirit. She reached out to me and was very nice when I had my melt down before Christmas and since then I have chatted with her occasionally in person and online. Today, since my two colleagues are out for a couple of hours over lunchtime I asked Sally if she wanted to have lunch with me. She shared some feelings that are similar to my own (of having little demons on each shoulder - a nice one and a nasty one - the nice one tells you that you are okay and you can do this and the nasty one that tells you you are rubbish and you might as well go home and give up) - ie a low self-esteem, a tendency to doubt oneself. It was really nice to chat to her. She had a little bit of a moment when tears came to her eyes and while I don't like to see anyone upset, it was (selfishly) nice for me to see that I'm not the only one that does that - that can't control my emotions at all times and will cry a bit in front of people.

14.47 I just re-read my birth story from my first child. I think I'm going to post it on here. It brought me to tears nearly. Which is inconvenient as I'm at work. but it was quiet tears and not quite. It was so traumatic but so worth it.

22:06. I have a laptop. Its GORGEOUS. And diddy. I love it. Watching telly on the sofa with hubster. At long last I can blog away to my hearts content without being stuck in my office.

New car. Addendum

OK. Confession time. I didn't really go to the gym. I actually went to Tesco and wandered around the aisles. I truly am a shopaholic. I did need some toilettries so I was kind of justified being there. And I wanted to treat Flo (my new car Florence) to a couple of things. Its such a nice feeling having a new car - meaning new to you. But wow. Brand new car is F***ING AWESOME (sounding a bit like an american tv show teenager or something). So, hubs more or less told me I was going the gym. OK that's not fair. I'm supposed to go twice a week and I have been skipping it lately and tonight I knew I SHOULD have gone, but I JUST COULDN'T BE ARSED. I needed something else. So out I popped to the shops. I wandered around aimlessly. Looking at things. I found an ice scraper. Have to have my own. I did have a newish yellow one but my son brought it in from the car one day and I haven't seen it since. I also bought a new Jelly Bean (never seen those before but they smell GORGEOUS) airfreshener for Flo. And some tissues. and some lip balm. I feel like me and her are now ready to take on the commute to...er almost said the town I work in just then. Oops. Ready to take on the commute to the office. Me and my little bug flo.

Here she is again.

My little flo bug (she told me her right side is her best side)

preddy girl

Jelly bean air freshener

My little lip balm stash

My VERY OWN ice scraper

I also bought myself some lovely hair stuff (Aussie), some nice face wash and bubble bath. I did go a little bit overboard. but I do have the cash in my budget and shampoo and conditioner DOES last me an age as I have very dry hair which doesn't need washing every day. Oh AND there was an offer on for the Aussie stuff. Bargain!

Mmmmm pampering goodies!

I just feel (have been feeling lately) direly in need of some pampering. I haven't been making much effort with my clothes or makeup or hair (if any) and I haven't been moisturising, been going to bed too late. Drinking too much (she says with a glass of wine on the desk next to me) - you can't beat rome in a day. or something. Anyway, yes, so I bought some stuff. When I got back from the gym (coughs) I went upstairs and put all the evidence away (please don't read this hubby) and decided to take that very moment to do a bit of there and then pampering. I got out some nice body butter and started moisturizing myself from the feet upwards. Paying particular attention to elbows, ankles and knees. Also removed mascara stains that I still haven't removed from yesterday (didn't go to work today so no need to make self look nice). I do love slobbing around and not bothering to get dressed but sometimes I think your self esteem needs to feel loved. I also covered my hair in some of the hair treatment. I know you're meant to use the shampoo and conditioner first but I figured I could do with a bit of a head start.

On another subject the kids were funny again tonight. Aren't they always? Yes, probably. Joshua was wandering with drumstick stuck down his trousers. No idea why. He wouldn't explain. I'm hoping it was something to do with it being a light saber or something and that being where its kept (not sure Luke Skywalker kept it in his pants though) - note to self to rewatch star wars (tried to persuade Josh to watch it with me this weekend as he was so into Starwars Angry Birds but he won't have anything on telly other than peppa pig or CBeebies.

Just looks like he's up to something!

 Lala has started insisting on drinking her drink out of a cup instead of a sippy cup or a bottle. I'm so proud and she doesn't spill it either (much).

Little miss cutiepie

Downstairs again now. On sofa, after dinner of salad and baked potato with cheese. Oh that was the other thing I was going to tell you. I decided to get some Slimfast and today I had one for breakfast and one for lunch. And one of the snack bars. I did have a bit of a slip though when the kids got home. I had two custard cream biscuits and two slices of ciabatta bread with clover on. Then my dinner which I've already mentioned.

Run out of steam for tonight I think. Watching the Fear again (2nd episode) and its a bit disturbing. Is interrupting my train of thought.

G'nite all.

Addendum - I just edited the pics and removed my reg number from the photos. Hubby just pointed out that it wasn't a good idea to have it on them. Hmmm. Hope no-one used it for nasty purposes already!

New car

I have a new car. Sooooo exciting. It's beautiful. In fact it's a she. I've decided to call her Florence. She is bright shiny red. I live that I can plug her into my iphone (the 5 kind - aren't I groovy!!! - or sad!!!).

I have treated her to a special Jelly Beans air freshener and brand new lip balm tube (for me really) oh and a small box of tissues. And Flo I promise you I won't let you get messy.

In the theme of pampering, I gave treated myself to some nice Aussie hair stuff and some face wash. I probably won't have time to have a relaxing bath tonight but tomorrow night definitely.

Writing this on iPhone. Doesn't seem to be a "save" option so will publish this. Must get home (from gym) to eat dinner.