Prose for thought - a bit late

Sorry I'm late on this. Its been a very busy time.

Here is this week's poem. I wrote it aged 15-16 (I'm not sure which as I just wrote 1993 on the page, not a month). I think I may have been on a bus or train when I wrote it. I hope you like it.

Invisible and Blind - 1993 Aged 15-16

I’m watching.
All these people around me,
I am invisible to them.
They walk through me.
I won’t meet them again.
Does it matter?
Do I care?
Their noises surround me,
But I don’t hear it.
Watching.
Waiting for them to all fade away.
As soon they will.
Faces.
Frowning, laughing, screaming, crying.
And I did not see them,
Until today.
Why?
There are so many of them
That they all blend together
As part of the scenery,
Even though each is unique.
Look around.
Do you see them?
Do I?
Perhaps no-one does.
Imagine.
A world full of people.
Each one alone.
Invisible and Blind.




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Prose for thought #Prose4T - Too Little Sunshine, So Much Rain

Too Little Sunshine, So Much Rain

9th January 2001

Sitting on my own

Thoughts rolling through my mind

Looking for a peace

That I never seem to find

I wish I was a wave

That was crashing on the beach

I wish I was the light 

That is just beyond my reach

I wish I could give but never take

I wish I could sleep and never wake

I close my eyes but I can still see

I can't shut off that part of me

I go to bed and try to sleep

Why does this knife cut so deep

There's an empty space inside my soul

a part of me that's never been whole

I feel my life is wasting away

And its such a struggle to get through the day

There's a part of me that wants to grow

I've tried so hard not to let it show

But now I find I can't contain

Too Little Sunshine, so much rain. 

Prose for Thought

Well, I was thinking of putting another of my poems up and the lovely Victoria from Verily, Victoria Vocalises suggested that I join in on her Prose for Thought Linky - here is this week's Prose for Thought blog post. I am doing this almost by accident as I only just remembered and luckily this linky happens on a Thursday which is good as today's the day that it occurred to me to post more poetry. I'm not very good at keeping to a schedule. I used to try or think about how I should be trying to do certain things on certain days (with regards to the blog I mean) but in the end I decided that I'd much prefer to just go with the flow. I was also invited to join in with Emma from Crazy With Twins on her Wednesday Words linky. Thank you so much for the invite. I hope you don't think I'm rude. I just forgot yesterday and now its too late. I will try to remember to join in on this one next week!

So, I haven't even decided which poem to choose yet. This is going to be as much an experience for me as it (hopefully) is for you. I'm currently running a bath. Sitting in my bedroom typing on my laptop. Hang on. Will take a picture for you!

Right. After about half an hour I have finally chosen. This is a poem that I obviously wrote at work (in 2004 when I was working for a large telecoms company). Its written on a couple of sheets of A4 lined paper and was tucked into another notebook that I used to use for writing my poems:

So here it is:

6th December 2004

How do I make myself stronger

When all i want to do

is pull the covers up and

Hide away from all of you

The ones that make me want to scream

and tear out all my hair

The ones that make me want to shout

out that I just don't care

I'll give you everything that I am

Just don't expect me to give a damn

I'll work my fingers to the the bone

But when it comes down to it, I'd rather be at home

Why do you act like you are better than anyone else

Why do I feel like you just want me to hate myself

With your cliches and your way of always blaming me

I look through the bars and beg you to set me free

From now I'll always smile for you

You'll never see me frown

I'll never cry in front of you

You'll never see me down

I'll keep my feelings to myself

I'll keep my secrets hidden

My face will be a book closed to you

A diary that's forbidden

There's no way i can trust you

Or even like you - you've made your feelings clear

But I won't let you crush me or push me down

You won't get the better of my fear. 

I think I was writing either at my boss or my supervisor. I remember those really strong feelings of not being allowed to "be me" and having to keep everything in. I've always been a very expressionate person (I just made that word up) and have never felt entirely (ok, at all) like I belonged in a corporate office. 

Hope you liked my poem.

Oh, here is the linky link thing. I hope I do it right!