Thursday, January 31, 2013

I just don't know what to do with myself.... (hum along if you like)

I have that song in my head now that I've typed in the title of this post!

I was just thinking to myself about how I just feel so low in energy. I'm tired. Monday I had my mini almost-meltdown which I managed to come back from - which I'm quite proud of but its left me feeling completely devoid of energy!

Some friends of mine were looking at an old picture of me after I'd lost a lot of weight with Weight Watchers. It actually made me feel quite annoyed and resentful of my former self. How dare SHE manage to lose all that weight and be happy, whereas this me can't stop snacking. Can't find the energy to keep up with my exercises. This me is wondering if she should just throw away all her smaller stuff and just buy size 16 (maybe even 18 for trousers - I have big hips, okay???) clothes. I'm fed up of this stagnant me. But I just don't know where to find the motivation to do something about it.

I tried to make an appointment to see the personal trainer I saw a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to see him (or his son who also does personal sessions) to get me back into it again, but even after 2 messages, he didn't respond and so I didn't get to have my appointment on Saturday, so I just went out to dinner and enjoyed myself - popcorn, wine and dinner without having done some exercise to make myself feel like I'd earned it. Part of me wanted him to call or message with an appointment and the other half (the half that likes spending the evening tucked up in my jimjams on the sofa watching TV or in bed with my laptop) was quite relieved when I didn't get a response. I guess I could have picked up the phone and rung him. Sigh. Maybe I don't want to get fit as much as I thought I did.

I can't see myself ever being that slim again. Ever feeling good about the clothes I'm wearing and looking good. I can't imagine myself not wanting to snack all day (I literally want to eat ALL DAY).

You know, just thinking about this is making me cry. I'm stuck. Truly stuck.

I wish I had the money to have a personal trainer 3 times a week. To have someone hand me my meals and snacks that I'm allowed to eat in a plastic lunchbox and just give me my dinner in the evening (ok, I do have that, its called hubby). I wish life wasn't so bloody tiring that I just want to hibernate in bed from 8.30pm every bloody night. Oh and while we're wishing, I wish I had a cleaner that would clean up after all of us EVERY DAY.

Although, talking about cleaners, hubby has finally admitted defeat (he wanted to try to keep on top of housework himself when he takes breaks from work - but the problem is he is too busy now to take breaks from work and he works most evenings as well as during the day so there really ISN'T any time) and he has said we do indeed need a cleaner. I had thought this for months (ever since I started working full time in October) but I was keeping it quiet as I knew he'd come around eventually. So my friend whose daughter used to clean for me is coming round on Sunday (after Ben has left) to help get the house sorted and I asked her if she would like to continue on a weekly basis after that and she said she would do. I'm so pleased. Going to start with 2 hours per week but I reckon we may increase it to 2 hours twice a week if she can manage that. Maybe a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon and a couple of hours on a Thursday. So we get ready for the week ahead, and then she can help get us sorted again ready for the weekend. I just want to be able to come home to a tidy house occassionally. Its got to the point that I try not to look down anymore because I'm fed up of seeing bits of abandoned toast from this morning's breakfast that Lala has strewn around the hall. Clothes that are slowly making their own way to the laundry basket. Wet clothes, on top of dry clothes in the laundry room, I mean spare room. Anyway, suffice to say I am very grateful. Wonder if she'd clean out my car too!! haha.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Britmums Live! I'm going!!!!!!

I've just booked my ticket to Britmums Live. I've been thinking about doing it since I heard about it. I'm a little bit scared but a little bit excited. There are so many lovely bloggers out there and I want to meet them in person. I want to get advise and listen to people talk about their experiences of blogging.

Soooooo excited.

So anyway, I found this post on the Britmums forum which linked to this post by a blogger called OutMumbered.

Here is my introduction:

This is me. Literally. Right now.
Hi. I'm Mum in a Hurry (still not got the guts to "come out" fully with my real name etc) even though a lot of people know about my blog now. I've been blogging with this blog since November last year. I had another blog which I started in February 2012 but that kind of fizzled out as it was a very specific subject matter and I got too busy to continue writing about that topic. I'm mum to two toddlers and I work full time. I have a hubby (married 14 years this year), 2 dogs, 6 chickens and a rabbit. I love watching TV and eating chocolate and having baths. I blog about life as a working mum, my feelings, my kids, days out.... anything that comes to mind really. Can't wait to meet some of you that are going!!!

Liebster Award

I am such an anal perfectionist that I'm actually redoing this post so that it shows in the CORRECT font and font size etc. Just lost my patience with trying to edit the HTML so starting from scratch!!!

Thank you One Busy Mum for nominating me for this award. It cheered me up, it really did. Lovely thought.

The award is given to bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve acknowledgement and encouragement to keep on blogging (I copied that bit from One Busy Mum's post - hope that's okay.

The rules are as follows
  1. List 11 facts about yourself.
  2. Answer the 11 questions given to you.
  3. Create 11 new questions for the bloggers you nominate for the award.
  4. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog. 
  5. Choose 5 bloggers with 200 or less followers to nominate.
  6. Go to each bloggers page and let them know about the award.
11 Facts about me
  1. My first and only childhood dog was called Murphy (also my maiden-name)
  2. I'm not very good at conforming
  3. I like to label things
  4. I like to collect make-up but don't actually wear it very often
  5. I have been married for 14 years this July
  6. I cannot throw away storage boxes or baskets. Just can't do it!!!
  7. I have a secret desire to run away to the country and live off the land (but still have iphones and macbooks etc.... hmmm maybe that won't work)
  8. I get changed out of my work clothes and into pajamas the MINUTE I get home
  9. I have quite bad confidence/self-esteem issues
  10. I have an entrepreneurial spirit
  11. I am a quarter Irish (the rest English - as far as I know)
11 Questions from One Busy Mum
  1. What is your Favorite food? Popcorn. Or peanut M&Ms
  2. What do you do to relax? Have a very hot bath or just lie in bed and tap on my laptop
  3. What do you enjoy most about blogging? The support I get from readers and other bloggers
  4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years time? Hopefully spending a little less time commuting and at work. Would like to go back to part time work when finances permit and maybe start my own business or be a freelance project manager
  5. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Mmmm Difficult one. I love a hot sticky toffee pudding with icecream but also have a love of savoury - homemade cheese straws, nuts, Dr Kargs crackers.... popcorn.... yum.
  6. What would be your ideal holiday destination? Turkey. We go there every year! Although would like to go to somewhere like the seyshells (spelling???) or the maldives some time - withOUT the children!!!
  7. What is your favorite colour? Pink - CAN YOU TELL????
  8. What is your best childhood memory? Probably visiting Efftelling in Holland as a child
  9. What is your favorite movie? Got to be an oldie. Slipper and the Rose (anyone else think Richard Chamberlain was dishy?? Just me then...).
  10. What is your biggest achievement so far? Predictable, but my children. Definitely.
  11. What item can't you live without? My iPhone
My questions to you
  1. If money wasn't an issue what would you be (professionally)?
  2. What made you start a blog?
  3. If you won the lottery, what 3 things would you buy first?
  4. What is your favourite pudding?
  5. What is your earliest childhood memory?
  6. Tell me the latest funny thing that your child/children said to you? (if you don't have children then your dog/husband/cat???)
  7. Do you prefer staying in or going out?
  8. Apple or PC?
  9. What is your most sinful food that you treat yourself with?
  10. What are your pets names if you have any?
  11. What is the most embarrassing moment you remember?    
Who I have nominated
Just a Normal Mummy - because her latest post Soft Play Code of Conduct really made me laugh
Wonderments - because she needs cheering up right now
Just Pirouette and Carry on - because Kate is so lovely and supportive in her comments on my posts
The Distressed Housewife - because I love reading her blog
The Owl and the Accordian - because I love looking at her photos. She is so crafty and stylish and clever.  

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Liebster Award

Please ignore this horribly formatted mess of a post and go to here where its been all nicely tidied up. Not going to delete this though as I posted the link on the people's blogs that I nominated. 

Thank you One Busy Mum for nominating me for this award. It cheered me up, it really did. Lovely thought.

The award is given to bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve acknowledgement and encouragement to keep on blogging (I copied that bit from One Busy Mum's post - hope that's okay.

The rules are as follows
  1. List 11 facts about yourself.
  2. Answer the 11 questions given to you.
  3. Create 11 new questions for the bloggers you nominate for the award.
  4. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.  
  5. Choose 5 bloggers with 200 or less followers to nominate.
  6. Go to each bloggers page and let them know about the award.

11 Facts about me
    1.    My first and only childhood dog was called Murphy (also my maiden-name)
    2.    I'm not very good at conforming
    3.    I like to label things
    4.    I like to collect make-up but don't actually wear it very often
    5.    I have been married for 14 years this July
    6.    I cannot throw away storage boxes or baskets. Just can't do it!!!
    7.    I have a secret desire to run away to the country and live off the land (but still have iphones and macbooks etc.... hmmm maybe that won't work)
    8.    I get changed out of my work clothes and into pajamas the MINUTE I get home
    9.    I have quite bad confidence/self-esteem issues
    10.    I have an entrepreneurial spirit
    11.    I am a quarter Irish (the rest English - as far as I know)

11 Questions from One Busy Mum
    1.    What is your Favorite food? Popcorn. Or peanut M&Ms
    2.    What do you do to relax? Have a very hot bath or just lie in bed and tap on my laptop
    3.    What do you enjoy most about blogging? The support I get from readers and other bloggers
    4.    Where do you see yourself in 5 years time? Hopefully spending a little less time commuting and at work. Would like to go back to part time work when finances permit and maybe start my own business or be a freelance project manager
    5.    Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Mmmm Difficult one. I love a hot sticky toffee pudding with icecream but also have a love of savoury - homemade cheese straws, nuts, Dr Kargs crackers.... popcorn.... yum.
    6.    What would be your ideal holiday destination? Turkey. We go there every year! Although would like to go to somewhere like the seyshells (spelling???) or the maldives some time - withOUT the children!!!
    7.    What is your favorite colour? Pink
    8.    What is your best childhood memory? Probably visiting Efftelling in Holland as a child
    9.    What is your favorite movie? Got to be an oldie. Slipper and the Rose (anyone else think Richard Chamberlain was dishy?? Just me then...).
    10.    What is your biggest achievement so far? Predictable, but my children. Definitely.
    11.    What item can't you live without? My iPhone

My questions to you
    1.     If money wasn't an issue what would you be (professionally)?
    2.    What made you start a blog?
    3.    If you won the lottery, what 3 things would you buy first?
    4.    What is your favourite pudding?
    5.    What is your earliest childhood memory?
    6.    Tell me the latest funny thing that your child/children said to you? (if you don't have children then your dog/husband/cat???)
    7.    Do you prefer staying in or going out?
    8.    Apple or PC?
    9.    What is your most sinful food that you treat yourself with?
    10.    What are your pets names if you have any?
    11.    What is the most embarrassing moment you remember?     
Who I have nominated

  1. Just a Normal Mummy - because her latest post Soft Play Code of Conduct really made me laughWonderments - because she needs cheering up right now
  2. Just Piruette and Carry on - because Kate is so lovely and supportive in her comments on my posts
  3. The Distressed Housewife - because I love reading her blogThe Owl and the Accordian - because I love looking at her photos. She is so crafty and stylish and clever.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Struggling right now

I'm struggling right now. Struggling with commuting. Struggling with not spending time with my kids (and the knowledge that others spend more time with them than I do). Struggling with the complicated childcare arrangements that we have in place and relying on family so as not to bankrupt us. Struggling with a job that doesn't challenge me or even keep me busy. Struggling with the idea of training and bettering myself so that I can work my way to a better job. Worried I won't be able to do it. Worried that people will *know* that I'm no good. Worried about hubby being away, that after 3 days I'll just fall over and end up taking time off work just to catch up on a bit of laundry!!! Worried about being fat (actually truthfully that's the least of my worries right now but it does bug me every morning when I'm trying to decide what to wear). Worried about people seeing me looking like shit (no energy to do makeup and hair this morning and put fairly casual clothes on and then ran into ex-boss and some colleagues from my last company at work). Worried I'm going to regret missing out on my kids littley-years when they're older and that time is gone.

Just don't know how long I can carry on!!!

New Year Blues

I think I have the new year blues.

The urgency and the determination to become better, more productive, more organised, fitter.... and about 3000 other things that I feel I should be, seem to be slipping away faster than I can say "Latte please".

I am still trying to eat healthily. Most of the time succeeding apart from a few slip ups. But I am finding I'm snacking just as much just on "healthy" things. But I don't feel like I'm losing any weight. If anything I feel I may even have put some on.

Our plan to not drink during the whole of January has now dissolved. While I'm not drinking excessively, or even that regularly.... (I had one drink during the week and a couple on Friday night and then half a bottle out on our night out on Saturday night. Oh and a glass of wine at the pub on sunday... maybe I do need to cut down again). My resolve to quite lattes has now become "not drinking them everyday". Which is good as its saving me money but I still get to have a treat occassionally. I have also given up sweeteners in my coffee which was my husbands request as he says they are horrendously bad for you and also make you fat (some science stuff about making your body think you are having sugar even though you aren't.... I shut my brain down a few words into the explanation).

I'm feeling a little down in the dumps about things. About this whole slog that is working full time. About the house being a total tip and the realisation that if we do want a nice house with us both working full time it is going to involve a cleaner at least twice a week (4 hours or so) which is going to cost a bomb.

I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing. I'm not sure my plan to become a project manager so that I can be freelance or have flexible hours and maybe work from home so I can be around for the kids more by the time Lala goes to school... I'm not sure how its all going to come about. My confidence feels a little shattered if I'm honest. My confidence about most things - about my blog (I seem to have lost my mojo a little where that is concerned), about my life choices and my choice to work full time (is it worth it?), about myself and my looks and my worthiness as a person.

I'm aching for a slower paced life. I'm not sure its possible to have a slow-paced life with small kids, but its got to be easier than this!!! I'm tired. Permanently tired.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Sunday. Again

Is it really Monday tomorrow? Really? Please someone tell me I've made a mistake and its actually saturday night or tomorrow is a bank holiday.

Also, how have I gone from blogging nearly every day to barely managing to fit one in a week?

Its the bloody iPhone game I swear! Totally addictive. I find it relaxing because you don't have to think about anything while you're playing it. But then I want to do that every minute I have free rather than doing something more interesting like reading a book or writing my blog (interesting to me, if not anyone else - lol).

I must get my mojo back......

Had quite a busy weekend this weekend. Hubby got drunk and stayed up until half 4 on Friday night but I still managed to kick him out of bed to give me a lie in on Saturday morning. Was nearly half 11 by the time I got up which was fab! Then hubby went back to bed for an hour. Then he took the kids out to McDonalds for lunch cos he couldn't be bothered to cook (hey, I wasn't going to complain for him volunteering to take the kids out on his own) and I had a lovely bath. Had intended to do some tidying up after the bath, but he got back just as I got out. He had been to Matalan to buy the kids new socks (and us too as we seem to only have 300 odd ones, but none that match - how does that happen?) but I guess he must have gone in, charged around grabbing what he wanted and then come back again!!!! Oh well, the bath was nice. He jumped in the water after me and by the time he got out it was time to start packing and getting the kids ready to go to my parents for the night. We were off to the cinema and for dinner afterwards. So we dropped them off at 5pm and then went to see Les Miserables. It was truly amazing. I didn't think, having seen the musical at the theatre 4 or more times that I the film would be able to be AS good but I think it may even have been better. I cried my eyes out several times. It was great!!! I rang my mum (my parents a big fan of Les Mis) and ranted to her about how good it is and that they have to go and see it NOW!!! Well, not NOW NOW as they were babysitting our kids at the time but you know what I mean!!! Then we went to Prezzo and had pasta each (got bored of having pizza although their pizzas are really good) - I had something with gorgonzola, chicken and bacon in a creamy sauce. Yum! We got a taxi back as we'd shared a bottle of red (merlot) between us and came home, made tea and went straight to bed. Alarms set for 7.30am ready to pick kids up for rugby tots next morning.

Sunday, went to pick Ben's car up, then both went (in separate cars) to pick the kids up. I take Lala to Rugby Tots for her 8.40am class and then Ben follows a little later for his class at 9.15am. After Lala's class I took her home and we settled on the sofa and watched a bit of TV. Then Ben texted and said that Joshua wanted to go swimming and did Lala want to come. Didn't really feel like getting us both out of the house again but Ben was right, she hadn't been in ages and I asked her if she wanted to go swimming and she replied with a definitive "Yes, Mummy". So I grabbed the swimming stuff and we headed out again. They both really enjoyed it. I got to do a few lengths when the kids got out as Ben took them to the changing rooms to get them dressed. Well, he made a start anyway. I did about 10 minutes swimming. Better than nothing I suppose. Then we went out to lunch (Ben decided to treat us) and we went to a pub in Buckshorn Oak and had roast lunch (although I had lasagne and Lala had chicken gougons - posh nuggets!!!). Oh and then sticky toffee pudding (for me) and vanilla icecream (for the kids). After a nice relaxing lunch we came home and put the telly on and Ben and I started on the housework before we had a visit from the lovely friend who is going to be looking after our big doggey during the 2 weeks that Ben is away. She has very kindly offered to keep her the weekend too. Which I'm very grateful for. While Tia is a lovely dog (now we're learning to be a bit more patient and she is getting more walks so is more chilled) I wouldn't be able to walk her at all even when I was home at the weekends as I can't manage two toddlers and Tia on my own. So the fact that she is having her during the week when I'm at work but also at the weekend is such a huge relief and she is a very doggy person (ie someone who loves dogs, not who looks like one) so I know Tia will be in good hands. I've told her that if it becomes too much and she needs a break from her to let me know. Our little dog, Toby, is going to my mums during the week. Its such a relief knowing that all I'll have to worry about when Ben is away is the kids. Well, the kids and the chickens. Hope it doesn't rain too much. Don't relish going out in the garden every morning and every evening if its pissing down.

I don't really want the weekend to end. Its been busy but really good. Back to the grind tomorrow. Back to the road. Back to ferrying small children from pillar to post.

I think I will make myself a nice hot chocolate to make myself feel better. Night night.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Funny kiddy moments & putting away the xmas tree


I have been neglecting my blog somewhat the last few days (or week?). The reason is... well, work, kids, house, oh and the fact that I've started playing a really silly game called Hay Day on my iPhone. I have to say it makes the day pass a little quicker when I have nothing to do. As you can probably tell from the name of the game, its a game where you have a little farm and you have to grow crops and have chickens and cows and get eggs and milk etc from them. You have to climb up through the levels and at each new level new things are released and you get things that you can use for expanding your storage etc. It is rather addictive, I have to say. And its currently down for some maintenance which is why I'm writing this!!!!

So what else has been going on? This week has gone relatively fast I think. I went to the gym last night. Was just going to do my exercises at home but decided that I really ought to do the 15 minute warm up so tried to start up the treadmill but couldn't get it to turn on. Ben is going to have a look at it. Its probably a fuse or something. So I decided there and then to go out to the gym. The fact that Joshua was still up was an influencing factor, I have to say! I quite enjoyed it actually. Once I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to spend the evening exercising (it was 8pm by the time I left the house and I didn't leave the gym until 9pm) I quite enjoyed it.

The kids have been quite funny this morning. I was thinking the other day on the drive to work that I should write a blog post about the funny things they'd been doing in the morning but then the day got away from me and I got distracted by this silly game when I wasn't doing some work. Anyway, I can't remember what day it was but I remember thinking I'll title the post "The things that you really have to cherish when you work full time". I think it was Tuesday morning. The kids came into our room as Ben was in the shower and they both climbed into bed with me. We were playing under the covers. I'd put the duvet over our heads and make it into a kind of tent with my knees or legs up in the air. Lala would say "spooky" (actually it sounds more like Pooky) - anything that is dark or involves pumpkins or bats is "Spooky". Its so cute. Then they both started pointing out pumpkins on the inside of the duvet (I think its due to the pattern of the duvet cover being darker in some areas and the light was still on at that point so the light was coming through more in some areas than in others leaving dark patches which they were saying were pumpkins). Then Joshua decided that it needed to be MORE spooky so he got out and turned off the light (the bathroom light was still on though as daddy was in the shower). It was really fun and made me think how great it is to just stop worrying about all the things you have to do and enjoy them. I don't do that enough.


Been playing stupid game again in between doing a bit of work. I think I'm going to have an evening of doing things. Tidying up a bit then maybe catch up on blogs in bed. Lately, I've not wanted to spend any time in my living room. I think that's because its always a blasted mess and I hate the sofa. Now that I have my laptop (which I can use for internet or obviously catching up with TV on iPlayer) I don't have a reason to be stuck to the TV downstairs. I can't wait for a) the kids to be old enough not to make a bloody mess all over the sitting room (yes, its probably partly my fault for not TEACHING them to tidy up after themselves).


Its nearly 10pm. Why is it that when I'm at work I make these plans for what I'm going to do when I get home and then when I actually get there I'm absolutely exhausted. I was very bad diet wise this evening. On the way home from work I stopped at the garage and bought a big bag of M&Ms - the kind you get in the cinema (family sized) and I ate nearly the whole thing on the drive home. There are two left. I almost just shoved them in my mouth but managed to restrain myself. Also had a sugar craving just before I came up (while I was waiting for the milk for my hot chocolate to cook) and had to take a little bit of muscavado sugar out of the jar (does anyone else eat sugar by the spoonful or is it just me???). Tonight, my plan was to do lots of tidying up. Perhaps to sort my living room out so its not such a tip. I was also going to lie in bed and blog. So at least I can tick that off! I did do a bit of washing up - just the bottles - and that was only because we needed them to put the kids milk in for bedtime. I just feel so bloody tired by the evening. Also feel fat and stupid and annoyed at myself for eating almost constantly. I just can't seem to get going. Or stop eating. I just want to curl up in bed and hibernate until spring time. Do you think humans actually have the urge to hibernate? I suppose, I'm human and I want to hibernate, so therefore they must, mustn't they!?

On the up side, I did manage to put the Christmas tree away. I say away, I just folded up its branches so they aren't quite so bulky and would (almost) fit in the box. And yes, I'm aware that its nearly January. We've just been busy, you know. And tired. Actually, mainly just tired.

Oh another thing I forgot to mention earlier about the kids is bedtime TV. Its really sweet. Me and Lala do the Jimmer Jammers bedtime song together on Nick Junior. "With a clean face and toothpaste, a tinkle and a hug…" We dance and sing along to it.

Anyway, I'm sure the kids get sweeter in hindsight and once they're asleep in bed!!! Is it just me????

Monday, January 21, 2013


I just had the most lovely pampering session. I had a bath. I used a face mask that I got for Christmas, washed my hair several thousand times (had de-nitting session this evening - partly why I needed pampering to get the icky feeling off me), then used my Aussie heavy conditioner and left it to soak while watching the latest episode of Ripper on my laptop.

Once I got out of the bath, I used all the moisturizey lotions and creams for all of the different parts of my body - I have some boob cream which hubby bought me after Lala's birth to help boobs recover from breast feeding, also used stretch mark cream, body butter (on legs arms and all the bits in between), eye cream, some special anti aging gel stuff, then night cream for face.

Finally put some serum on my still damp hair. I am lying in bed content cos I feel nice. Not felt this nice in ages.

I also packed a little makeup kit in my bag (also changed handbags yesterday which was long overdue) - mascara, eyeshadow, some moisturizer.

I should have done this last night - would have made me feel much better today, I'm sure. Still, better late than never. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Peace at last

I feel like the bear in the story. Been looking everywhere for a bit of bloody peace and quiet but, with hubby being out on a course in London, it was no-where to be found. Until now.
He's back and I'm upstairs in my bedroom under the duvet while my bath runs (one thing I love about this cold weather is that our heating (and therefore hot water) is on permanent so I never find that there isn't QUITE enough hot water to have nice hot bath (and I don't like them any other way)). Not sure on the rules of using double parentheses…. oh well.

Its not been a bad day to be honest. I was moaning on Facebook this morning about the fact that Ben (that's hubby's name - may as well out him too as my identity has been mostly outed) was out all day on a class thing for his MBA. I hate being left with the kids all day. Its not that I don't want to spend time with them. And its not that I don't want to spend time on my own with them. I'm happy with both scenarios but I don't like it when a) I don't have any choice in the matter, b) its for a whole day, c) it means I don't get a lie in. So I was having a grump on there about it. Just saying I'd been "dumped" for the day. I didn't say much else. And lots of people piped up telling me to not look at it as a bad thing, to enjoy the day with my kids. You know when you know they are right but you just want to punch them in the face??? Even when you love them dearly… lol. Anyway, once I'd got over some of my grumpiness, I got myself and the kids ready and headed out with the sledges. I dragged them while they sat on the sledges, over to the football field near our house, and then we did sledding down the hill. When they seemed to get bored of that we built a little snowman and they threw snowballs at each other (and me) for a bit. After a while they both looked very cold. Lala's hat had fallen off in the house before we left and I hadn't noticed so she wasn't wearing a hat (it was because we kept being almost ready and then I'd remember something else I needed…) and their gloved hands were covered in snow and cold. So I dragged them in the sledges back to the house to have hot chocolate and stripped off their wet trousers putting dry stuff on them. Had a little hot chocolate for myself too. Was yummy.

We also played spaceships (me, Joshua and Lala each have a spaceship - star wars lego kind - except Lala's was just a few blocks thrown together by josh quickly as I told him Lala had to play too (she wanted the space ship I had). We all chased each other round the living room going "pow pow" and "pew pew" (the noises that spaceship guns make). We chased the dog around with tinsel (Lala wanted her to wear it but Tia wasn't that keen). We had a very short sleepover when I decided to take Lala up for a nap and Josh decided he wanted to come too…. Which ended with neither of them going to sleep. They had monster munch and biscuits and lollies, shepherd pie for lunch, nuggets and chips for dinner, popcorn…. More biscuits….. Lala has done 3 (or maybe 4) poo-ey nappies. I've also played with Lala's dollies with her, tried to get her to pick up her lego pieces that she threw all over the floor (a whole box worth), had a quick nap with Lala in her room (on her insistence) after changing her nappy. I think that pretty much wraps up the day's activity. Other than being climbed on, pulled at, prodded, jumped on, shouted at. Just a normal day at home with kiddies.

Which is why I was very relieved when Mr Hubster arrived home. After a day like today there is nothing better than just retreating into a quiet room. She says listening to the dog barking repetitively in the kitchen below. Sigh. Hubby can deal with it once he's put Lala to bed, which he's doing right now.

I think me and JJ have nits. In fact I know Josh has them as I saw one on him yesterday. We need to treat us all tomorrow I think, but this will probably involve a trip to the shops to get some more Hedex or whatever its called as I don't think we have enough (I have a lot of hair).

So peace and quiet, even with a husband in the house to look after the kids, is not really attainable. The dog is barking its head off, Joshua is screaming cos he doesn't want to go for a wee - he says he wants to take all the toilets out of here and send them away. I might put some earplugs in…..

So….. my non-alcohol January has gone out of the window. It started last saturday with a glass of wine that Ben and I both felt we deserved. I was only able to drink about a cm of that glass and poured the rest back in the bottle. Then I had a glass on Thursday night. Friday night (last night) I had a small brandy. Today I'm on my 2nd Glass of wine. Poured the first while I was cooking the kids dinner. Took me about an hour to drink it. And the one I have now is to keep me company in the bath :). I've also not done brilliantly on the healthy eating this week. Thursday I had some M&M's and a caramel biscuit thing. Last night I had a chocolate digestive and some torte thing that Ben bought. My resolve seems to slowly be diminishing day by day. Today I have snacked pretty much all day. I didn't really have a proper lunch but I had two bowls of muesli and some rye bread in the morning and I nibbled on some of the kids dinner. Finished their chips with some hot sauce. Had some popcorn. Just feel like I've been grazing. Must get back to healthy eating next week. And try to stay off the calorific nibbles - even if they are "healthy". I'm currently addicted to these seedy crisp breads. They come in a little cellophane bag and they are by a Doctor somebody. Will try to find them online to show you a picture. There is one that is pumpkin seeds and Emmental. They are just GORGEOUS. But they are £2 something a bag (of 6 I think) and they are very moreish.

Wow. That was a nice bath. Very hot. Didn't bother washing my hair or shaving my legs or anything. Just was enough to soak up the hot water. However, now feeling a bit worse than I was before. Cold-wise.

Is later again. Am fully stuffed with naga chicken curry. Watching Silent Witness. So gonna sign off now. Nightie night. Here are some more pics:

Friday, January 18, 2013

Hot rabbit & working from home

Am lying in bed with a hot rabbit (not some kind of sex-toy but a rabbit with special beads that heat up when you put it in the microwave so it acts like a kind of hot water bottle). My guts are playing up. I have the start (okay, probably more like the middle or end of the start) of a cold and my stomach is so bloated I, once again, look like I'm pregnant. See previous post where I thought I was pregnant - I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat!

Husband is off to a Saturday class for his MBA tomorrow. Last one apparently. Doesn't make me feel any less shit for him pissing off for the day and leaving me with the kids. Weekends are hard work enough without it being me on my own without backup. Although I'm still not convinced about him getting there.

I worked from home today. I woke up this morning and all there was was a tiny bit of frost but then around the time I was due to leave, it had started to snow so I texted my colleague to ask what she planned to do as I didn't want to get there only to have to turn around (for a start its a waste of petrol). She said to check if the boss was online, so i logged on and asked her what we should do and she said to stay home. I was really glad about this. I really didn't relish going anywhere in snow. Or getting stuck at the office. Or taking 5 hours to drive home as I had to go at 15 miles per hour.

I'm gonna go now because I can barely keep my eyes open. Just wanted to check in and say "Hello Blog". Sorry I haven't got anything interesting to say. Only that I'm feeling poorly and tired and a bit hard-done-by.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Why I work full time

It is not:
  1. So I don't have to spend time with my children
  2. It is not because I want to scare my children for life
  3. It is not because I don't want to spend any time at home or want my kids to spend any time at home
It is because
  1. There were no part time jobs out there when I was made redundant
  2. Part time wages are shit (even if you can find one)
  3. I wanted to actually have a CAREER for a change rather than just a job which is why I moved out of PA work into something involving projects. 
I do not appreciate:
  1. Being told that my house is too messy during the week (yes, its messy as we haven't got time/inclination/energy to tidy up)
  2. People assuming that just because hubby is home that he is not working and can just clock off early
  3. People criticising my life-choices and trying to make me feel guilty and like I am making my kids suffer!

Cheating on food & Staying late at work

I have cheated somewhat on my "healthy eating plan". I have bought a packet of peanut M&M's and a caramel wafer thingy to get me by the rest of the afternoon. The walk took the good part of 15 minutes (especially as I realised half way there that I'd forgotten to take my ID card - need it to get in and out of certain areas of the building). I feel exhausted for the journey - not because I'm unfit (although I am a little unfit) but I think its because I'm ill. I've got the start of a cold. My throat hurts and feels like its going to develop into a cough and as I was walking I felt myself coming up in a sweat. I'm on my own now as one colleague had a half day and the other had arranged with me to go early (ie she goes early and I stay till 5.30pm). Which is fine as I usually go at 5pm (I work through - or just sit at my desk surfing the internet as there is no work to do - my lunch in order to leave half an hour early to pick up the kids). However, its quite annoying as its not busy and I've already seen lots of people leaving early due to the impending weather (which is not due to start until tomorrow anyway!!!). I SO hope it snows tonight/tomorrow morning. A day working from home would be just the ticket. As there isn't anything to do, it would involve tidying and watching TV. Yay. I was thinking about (not considering as I know logically that I couldn't get away with it) but I was still thinking about the idea of going home now (or at 5pm as that's when I'd normally go) and no-one would notice and I could sign on via my phone, but I did tell my colleague that I would stay until 5.30pm and even though there is really no point as I'm just sitting here, I'm going to do that.I'm packing up 5 minutes before though, and getting my coat on etc. Honestly, if I had some work to do I'd show a much better work ethic, but it feels like they don't value us enough to even give us anything to do. Maybe they are just going to let our contracts run until the end of June and then just get rid of us. All the more reason to get my Prince 2 training.

I have decided that I am DEFINITELY going to go in that direction. I'm 21% way through my Prince 2 for Dummies book that I downloaded and I think I'm going to do a course in July. Plenty of time to get my head around the idea of it all. And if this quietness at work continues then I'll just keep using the time to read. Although it is hard to be motivated about anything when you are bored out of your mind.

Shit. Just lost a load of stuff that I wrote. Anyway, its 17:28. I'm going to post this. Here is a picture of me with my coat on ready to go. 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

10 things I really love

  1. Hot baths
  2. Hot chocolate
  3. Lie ins
  4. Pretty shiny gadgets
  5. Guerlain chocolates
  6. TV
  7. Sylvanian families figures (cough, I mean I love to give them to my daughter)
  8. Red wine
  9. Snuggling in bed
  10. Pizza
ps: that I love my kids is a given. This is a list of random stuff

10 things I can't stand

  1. Cold tea
  2. Luke warm baths
  3. Leeks
  4. Being cold (are you noticing a theme)
  5. Wet weather
  6. People who have their fog lights on when its just a bit misty and its REALLY not necessary to have them on.
  7. Husband leaving beard shavings in the sink
  8. People that are judgemental of other people
  9. One rule for us, another rule for you.... (style of management)
  10. When things like remote controls or mouses (mice? - the computer kind) run out of batteries


I feel like I have lost my blogging mojo slightly. Recently some people (family members and friends) found out about my blog and while I had never intended to use this blog as a way to bitch about people, I guess I'm a little wary of being judged for what I say. But what the hell! Its my blog and I can say what I want.

I'd just say that if you don't like what I write, just don't read my blog. As that cult kids TV show used to say, Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your Television Set Laptop and Go and Do Something Less Boring Instead?

The last week (its Wednesday) feels like its been going slowly but also has gone fast, if that makes sense, in a blur of being woken up early and being bounced on by kids until we get up, getting kids dressed, getting ready myself, driving to work, being at work (this bit goes slowly), driving home from work, picking the kids up (if husband not doing it), sorting kids out for bed (then putting one or other or both of them back to bed 250 times), evening activities (insert watching TV, doing exercises, putting clothes away or just plain going to bed exhausted) & repeat.

I've been starting to feel like I'm getting a cold. I went out to Wokingham today to go to a health food shop and buy a load of vitamins and oil things. Hoping starting to take these helps me feel a bit better. I have a feeling its just life. I really thought that doing this "detox" (or a variation on it) would make me start to feel a little healthier but if I'm honest, I have mild runs, I've been on a milk period for a week and a half (this came on in the middle of my pill packet), I'm feeling just as tired in the morning as I was before. And now I just can't have my coffee in the morning. Maybe I should just accept that, at this phase in my life (i.e. while the kids are little and I'm working in a far away/non-flexible full-time job), I am just going to be tired all the time. So if I need a couple of coffees during the day or a glass of wine in the evening, why shouldn't I! I'm torn. If all this healthy eating and not drinking IS making me somehow healthier then I don't want to start slipping into old habits. Its not so much the idea of ONE DRINK or ONE LATTE at the weekends, but that one, with me, seems to lead to one every day and then a couple every day. Until I need it to get by. I worry that I'm like my dad in that respect. I don't overdo it very often at all (the occasional night out) but I do find myself relying on things (food, wine, coffee) to "get me through" or make me feel better.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Invisible Mum - My Shovel List (PAPS)

PAPS - Pimp A Post Sunday

Quick PAPS post as am about to go to bed but I wanted to keep up with this one blog hop as I really like the idea behind it - to give a blog post of your choice a chance to get a few more readers. If you want to know more, check out Super Amazing Mum's post.

The blog post I am nominating this week is from Invisible Woman 2013. She is a new blogger and I've only just started following her blog but she writes from the heart and this post made me laugh. Here is her post: My Shovel List. In fact, I liked this post so much that I intend to do one at some point. Its now on my Blog to-do list.

Night all. xxx

Weekend antics

What a knackering weekend. But a great one!

Saturday lunchtime I went for my personal trainer session.

Today started with Rugby Tots at 8.40am. I REALLY could have done with a latte afterwards, but I managed to resist and came straight home to chill with Lala (while Ben was doing Joshua's rugby class).

After lunch we took the kids on a long walk (longer than intended really). I didn't realise quite how muddy it was going to be. And also I only wore a jumper - no coat as I thought we would be walking a bit faster. However, when Lala demanded to be carried (15 kilo 2 year old) I was quite glad of having no coat. My trainers which were relatively new (not much used anyway since I got them) got soaked through and my feet were wet inside them. Lala fell over in the mud and got covered in it. The dogs jumped in the pond and are now locked up in their room until they are dry. At the end of the walk we stopped at the kiddy park near our house (this was how we got our kids out on a walk - they are rather lazy buggers - probably get that off me if I'm honest - we promised them playing in the park at the end of the walk). They had a good go on the slide and swings. I took a tonne of photos and then we went home for hot chocolate and, for me and Lala, a change of trousers.

I have to say, after a long cold muddy walk, a hot chocolate in a nice warm house is absolute bliss! I think that's the thing about exercise and working hard. Nice stuff when you don't feel you deserve it, isn't so nice. Or it is but then there's the guilt. Talking of guilt, I gave in on my no alcohol thing last night. We both decided that we would have one glass of wine each on a saturday. No more than that. Just one glass. It was nice but I couldn't drink more than an inch of mine. Probably less than that! I poured the rest back in the bottle ready for next Saturday. It was nice though. I figure, no point drinking it for the sake of it. Plus I'm sure a little red wine occassionally is actually meant to be good for you.

I'm now having a cup of tea in the kitchen while the kids watch a bit of TV in the sitting room. Hubby is studying for 45 minutes and then I'm going to have a nice hot bath. I so need it. My legs and bum are killing me. My arms are a bit sore too.

Now its later. Have had my bath. Was GORGEOUS. Just what I needed. Then hubby went to use the bath water and when he came down it was bedtime and we got them ready for bed together. I read them a couple of stories. I always feel a bit like reading a story is the LAST thing I want to do. Its taken Joshua about 30 minutes to go to the toilet and brush his teeth and we've had to change Lala's nappy while she ran around the bedroom refusing to stand still. However, when I do read them a story, I really find myself getting into it. Particularly if its a book I had as a child. Tonight we read this one:

The writer shares my mum's name. Probably shouldn't say that but my anonymity is shot now anyway! lol. My mum used to read this one to me and my sister when we were children. I love it.

Some pics of the weekend:

Deciding on the best place to put her Rugby Tots sticker

Posing in the woods

Out romping with the doggies
Being a bit distracted by the puddles


Synchronised swinging

First training session

Written yesterday (Saturday)

I saw my personal trainer today for the first time. It was hard work and also not as hard work as I thought. I felt like I could keep going but also during some of the exercises I felt like I couldn't manage another one. It was good. I looked in the mirror while doing some of the exercises and saw my soft tummy and I really didn't like it. I'd love to be firm in the middle. The trainer is going to email me my exercises and I have put in my diary that I'm going to do 3 times a week. I'm going to work out Monday, Wednesday and Saturday (I'll probably go to the gym Saturday).

This is my trainer, Mark. He's quite scary. But actually he's very nice.  Link to his gym below the picture:

Studio 1
It was quite daunting at first going in there. It very much looks like a "man's gym". I'm not sure why I say that. Probably cos there were only men in there. And Mark is a body builder (I'm guessing from the photo). But I was made to feel very welcome. I do have different aims from maybe some of his body building male clients but why shouldn't I get help from someone who knows what they're talking about. I like how its no messing about. He works you hard. There is no chatting while on the treadmill. I did warm up on the treadmill but that wasn't included in my half hour that I paid for. I didn't think I could ache after just half an hour but man do I hurt. Its okay with I'm sitting down and even walking around but coming DOWN stairs (strangely up is not so bad) is really sore. I actually had to come down on my bum like the kids do a couple of times! LOL. I'm sure I'll get better. I am going to start with my training program he's sending me on Monday evening. 

Friday, January 11, 2013

Social Media - Please follow me

This is a shameless plug. I have just been doing a bit of work on my Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus accounts. I've linked my Blogger account to the Google Plus account that I set up for this purpose. I would love to have a few more followers on all of these accounts. Please would you mind following me on any or all of the following platforms:

Google Plus

I am currently trying to figure out how to get my tweets to feed through to Google Plus. Can't figure it out for the life of me. I've sorted it so they go through to Facebook and my blog posts go to Facebook (and hopefully now to Google Plus too) but can't seem to get Twitter to feed to G+. If anyone can help me let me know.

I'm also feeling like I'm in need of a new avatar. The one that I downloaded off Google Images I think has had its day. I fancy something original and new. Just not sure where I'm going to find it or how I'm going to design it.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Rehoming Our Doggy Tia - or not

We had decided to rehome one of our dogs Tia because I'm out all day and while my husband works from home, he also does a lot of travelling and we had decided last night that maybe it would be for the best to rehome her. I went as far as contacting a few people who I thought might be able to help, and posting on a local mums facebook group. I had a few responses and someone emailed me today asking if she could come round and see the dog, Tia. She did come and took her for a walk as she arrived early and my husband was on a conference call. But this evening we are both having second thoughts. We think the problem is us and maybe we should just pull our socks up as dog owners. I'd been imagining the quiet and peace with just having one (old terrier type) dog. Less noise, less mess, less things chewed, less barking. Obviously I was thinking about her standard of life too. I'd just decided that we weren't capable / didn't have the time to train her, walk her, spend actual and emotional time on her.

I've had lovely cuddles with her tonight and hubby and I have talked. We're not sure but we are erring on the side of pulling out of the rehoming idea. We haven't had anyone yet say they definitely want her but have had 2 enquiries, including this one lady who visited.

If we keep her, we need to:
  1. Sort out somewhere for her to stay when hubby goes away for 2 weeks (kennels during the week I think is the best option)
  2. Buy her a crate (hubby has been looking into this and apparently we should be crate training her - I hadn't even known this existed)
  3. Take her to training classes. Perhaps with my son - so he gets a little sense of the responsibililty that it takes to train your doggy to be well-behaved - that shouting at her won't work (sadly, he's learnt that from us)
  4. Take her for long walks every sunday without fail (in addition to twice daily)
  5. Buy her new bedding as her current bedding is just towels and blankets (she did eat her last cushion but she doesn't chew quite as much now)
  6. Give her more cuddles and accept more love off her (she has tonnes to give)
  7. Enjoy her
I feel sad and ashamed that I just jumped on the easy option which is to get rid of her. I am going to sleep on it but I think tomorrow I will contact everyone that I asked to help and tell them we've changed our minds.

This blog post contains some gross stuff (so don't read if you're squeemish or don't like ladies parts or bowel movements mentioned)

We've just put the kids to bed. I'm in my jimjams, my slippers and my fluffy pink dressing gown. I ache. I have diarrhea from the change in diet (either that or just a mild stomach bug that's gone on for a week). I left work early to go to the doctors and on the way driving I got stomach cramps and bad back ache simultaneously and felt like I needed to go for a shit (excuse the language). I honestly wasn't sure that I wasn't going to make it to the doctors in time to use their loo. Thankfully I did and it wasn't pretty. But at least it wasn't in my trousers. That would have been embarrassing and awful. The reason I went to see the doctor is that I have a small cyst on my nipple which I'd had looked at before and was told it was just a cyst and was fine but it had got bigger. About the size of a silver ball of the kind you use to decorate cakes - maybe a little smaller, but it had been bothering me and I wanted rid of it. So the doctor got a needle/very small scalpel and burst it and got the puss or whatever its called out. It hurt quite a lot I have to say but it didn't last very long. She then gave me some tissue to put in my bra and told me to have a hot bath to get any last remaining puss out (not like I need telling twice to have a hot bath. lovely). Its a little sore and, probably due to the diarrhea I feel rather achy and very tired.

I also asked the doctor about my mood changes a few days before my period and she said that I could change my pill or maybe, for now, try taking my pill packs back to back. i.e: not have a break in between packs. This could help to keep my moods constant if indeed my drop in mood is related to my hormone levels. She's also given me some pills to take in the event of a panic attack like this one.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Me laid bare

I write this blog because I enjoy it. I do not ask to be judged or critisized. Nor am I begging for approval (although who would turn it down, really?).

But this is my blog. This is me. Here are some facts about me:
  1. I'm shit at keeping the house tidy
  2. I am a bit of a flirt
  3. I like to spend time on my own
  4. I let the kids watch tv all day on weekends (if they want to and we're not going out)
  5. I have mental health issues
  6. I love my children
  7. I love my husband (and lets face it who else would put up with him - he'd say the same about me)
  8. I'm honest and straight forward
  9. I'm very loyal to my friends
  10. I love writing
 If you like or can relate to what I write, please feel free to comment or just read if you prefer.

If you don't like what I write or judge what I do, then please, unless you have some constructive comments or suggestions, please keep your judgemental hurtful opinions to yourself. 

This is the last I'm going to say on the matter. I am going to continue writing my blog. I will write what I want to write about, what feels right to me. 

Deleted last post

As quite frankly I'm at the end of my tether as it is and don't need a load of "anonymous" people telling me what a shit mother I am. I guess honestly isn't always the best policy.

Job satisfaction

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is job satisfaction. I moved into this role and company (as a long-term temp - a 6 month contract that hopefully will be renewed in June) in October.

I was hoping for a new challenge, a change of scenery. A fresh start.

I got a change of scenery and I suppose a fresh start (although I have noticed that old problems can follow you because you are still the same person and people still have the same prejudices), but the challenge has just not been there. Don't get me wrong there has still been a bit of a learning curve. I was being trained up in particular systems and spreadsheets.

I moved from a PA type role into a role as project management administrator. I was made redundant from my last role and the company I was at for 5 years and while I wasn't out of work for long (I got a decent pay off AND gardening leave so I had a fab summer with the kids - which I will always be grateful for and have lovely memories of) I was starting to panic as I was eating into my savings and I was really being ground down by the rejections slowly dripping in. I didn't have a problem getting interviews. It turns out I look quite good on paper. But either I wasn't right for the place or I said something I shouldn't have (alluded to self esteem issues) or they just preferred someone else over me. When I first started looking I was trying to aim for PM related stuff (project management) as I've always loved organising and co-ordinating and hubby thinks I'd make quite a good project manager. I do too actually. But as the rejections started coming in slowly but surely, I started to apply for everything and anything. I didn't want to be a PA anymore but at least I knew I could do it. But even those jobs I didn't get. I was really starting to lose hope and feel pretty desolate.

I remember the day that I got the call to say that I had this job. I think the kids were at childcare. It was a Tuesday. I was in the bath. I love baths. But I'd got to the point where I wasn't really enjoying anything. I was just having a bath for a lack of anything else to do and I could be alone. And I cried. I was wallowing in my self-pity when my phone rang. I picked up, expecting another agency offering me more commiserations cos I didn't get the job, when I was most surprised and shocked to be offered the job here. I told them the money that I wanted (the top of the range advertised - it was more than I had earnt before but the extra accounted for the travel costs I would have to pay). They said that was fine (they may have had to check and ring back). And I had a job. I didn't really know what to feel at that point. I was relieved. I didn't know whether to cry or laugh or scream or shout. I feel like that phone call saved me. Lying in that bath I'd been imagining all sorts of dark escapes - even though I'd never carry out any of them. It took me a few days to get used to the idea. I was to start the following Monday. I had the rest of the week to relax. To NOT spend a large part of the day ringing agencies and searching job sites. It was a wonderful feeling. Such relief.

However, since starting this job, it has not been what I imagined. I had imagined I would be busy. Once I got into the swing of things, I'd be too busy to think. Its not. I'm not busy at all. To give you an example, today, out of the 8 hours I will have been here, I've probably spent an hour, an hour and a half at the VERY most, working. The stuff that I do do is very basic. Glorified data entry. Being a PA was harder and I could do that with my eyes closed. I've gone beyond the point of boredom. I'm not sure exactly what is beyond boredom. Probably mindless apathy.

So I'm not really very happy. Its a long journey to arrive and then have to count the minutes until you can go home again, feeling exhausted from constantly trying to think of things to keep you occupied and incredibly dissatisfied. I don't feel valued, or like I do a good job (because there isn't enough of a job for me to be doing it well), or useful. I know I'm capable of and willing to give a lot more.

Management are aware that the department (consisting of 3 of us) are not busy - except one of them is as she has a specific project that she looks after which keeps her very much occupied. The other one and myself are twiddling our thumbs the rest of the day. Our manager says that she has a plan to get us involved in more, busier and also with a more interesting workload but nothing has happened yet.

I have thought about looking for something else but to get 9 months or so of this on my CV will look good (experience in a project management office). I am also going to study Prince2 (Project Management certification) and have been reading some documents on this in my spare time but today I've struggled to concentrate on it as have almost had tears in my eyes from sheer boredom (and tiredness - late night last night with Lala).

One day I want to be a project manager. I want to be able to work from home (most of the time if not all). I want to manage my own work, and not be waiting for someone to pass me something to do. I want to be at home more for the kids, to have flexible hours but still a good salary. Why shouldn't I get those things? I'm going to work for them and earn them.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Latest news and stuff

Feeling very tired today. Haven't written anything earlier to publish now so you just have me, here, at 9.07pm checking in for the day. Hope I have something useful to say.

  • we are not buying a house. Long story short, we decided not to buy the latest one because of lack of internet (hubby works from home) & then today the first house we wanted became available again but we decided against it this time as we are going to be sensible, try to save up and pay down debts (and enjoy having 2 incomes again before we blow it all on a big house move) so that in a year or two when we do decide to look again we can find something that is just right.
  • I am starting with a personal trainer on Saturday. I'm quite scared. He is a body builder type and I think I will hurt after just half an hour with him. But hey, I am going to change my body and health. I will be comfortable, and fit, and confident this year. 
  • We have decided to rehome one of our dogs. This decision has been in the making for a few months but I think we have finally made up our minds. She needs to be with a family that is around a lot more. With me working full time and hubs travelling quite a lot she just doesn't get enough attention. Toby dog, the little one, is quite easy to find someone to take him for the odd weekend or week (my parents love having him) but Tia is a bit of a handful. I do feel rather bad but I think as long as I'm looking at it as being about what is best for her, not us, then I'm doing the right thing. I really will miss her. I want to find someone local. With kids, Someone that is active and loves going on walks. I'd like to be kept up to date with how she's getting on. She won't just be off with the first person that comes along.
  • We are going to have our conservatory replaced. Its going to be bigger and will be a playroom for the kids. 
  • I'm going to study for the Prince2 qualification so I can become a project manager. Have started reading some documents in PDF format that hubby found for me (he has done the course before). 
 I've been quite busy the last couple of days. We had a meeting with the person that co-owns our house in Turkey to discuss arrangements with the lady out there that manages it for us. I took notes and drafted an email to the lady after the meeting and am chasing everyone for the actions that need doing. I love all that. 

I've also been looking into ways I can promote the blog. I've joined BritMums and Tots100 and am trying to chat on there as much as I have time for. Its all a bit daunting though. I've subscribed to a load of blogs of people from off there and I think I'm going to go to bed and read some of them in bed.

Have a feeling I'm not going to get round to doing any tidying tonight. Dinner was a bowl of very tasty spicy couscous made by hubby.

Night night.

Monday, January 7, 2013

A question regarding Google Plus

A quick post before I go to bed as I have a bit of a question for the blogging community.

How important is Google Plus? Currently my G+ account isn't linked to my blog because my blog is on Blogger and linked to my email account. However, I do want to remain relatively anonymous and don't want it obvious to everyone that looks me up on Google from my email address that this is my blog. How do I have a Google account that is linked to my blog without breaking the link between my own email address/google account and my blogger account?

Previously I did create a separate email account for my blog but got fed up of having to log in and out of google depending if I wanted to access my emails, calendar or my blog.

What do people think is the solution? Any advise most welcome.

Detox Day 7 - General Ramblings

14:34 - Its getting a bit boring recounting what I eat everyday so I'm just going to summarize. Its pretty much the same as what I've been having the last few days. Had muesli when I got into work (15 minutes late - back to the flipping grind stone where traffic is concerned), some nuts to snack on, for lunch: salad - lettuce, cucumber, tomatos, spring onions, red onion, walnuts with chilli olive oil and balsamic vinegar to dress. Then some of my homemade oat cakes which I've just scoffed. I wasn't in early enough to pick up some free fruit (they have it free in bowls in our offices but I don't like the apples they have and usually by about 9.20am that is all that is left - all the bananas and grapes have gone). And I'm trying not to spend any money so haven't BOUGHT any fruit. I do have some homemade houmous and veggie dippers (cucumber & celery) to snack on a bit later but will try to wait until 3.30pm.

Over the weekend we had no problem sticking to the diet, although I have to say I did rather miss a nice glass of wine on Friday and/or Saturday night. But I know I'm feeling better for not having it. Having mentioned that I felt all bright eyed and bushy tailed on a few mornings (normally I am like a bear with a sore head), this morning I was back to feeling tired again. Although I think that was because I struggled to get to sleep last night. Hubby was, erm, pestering me but I held my ground and eventually he went to sleep and I stayed awake and alert like a rabbit out needing to check for predators. Which is funny...

I'm loving the new laptop. I ALMOST brought it to work with me so that I could play with it at lunch... but thought better of it. Besides I need to wait until the case and cover arrive for it.

I'm DEFINITELY having an early night tonight. I'm actually going to set my alarm on my phone so that it goes off at 9pm. I'll go have a bath and then be in bed by 10pm.

20:35. That plan to have an early night went out of the window as the kids are still messing around. I've put them back to bed about 3000 times and its getting very annoying. It just wears you down. When you do get down from ANOTHER trip up the stairs to put them into bed, all you can do is flop on the sofa. I'm not even sure I have the energy to write this. I still have to do a load of laundry sorting and folding before I go to bed and if I want to go to bed early still that means I can't have a bath as I tend to spend about 45 mins in there. Plus 10 to run it. I can't even have a cup of tea cos we have no tea bags. My lovely hubby has gone out to do a shop. Hence why its me doing all the running up and down stairs. Left Lala (the main culprit of tonight) to cry it out as fed up of her messing around.

If I had any energy or brain function left I would probably have started this blog talking about the weekend and what we got up to. Saturday wasn't anything special, but Sunday the kids went back to rugby tots and then in the afternoon we took the dogs for a walk in Frensham Pond.

Today was the first proper day back at work for most people which meant that traffic was awful. I dropped Lala at her childminders first - the one that's had the baby recently. I had put Lala in a very special dress which was actually mine when I was her age - proper vintage. I figured it was her first time meeting the baby and it deserved a special dress. I have a gorgeous photo of her actually HOLDING the baby which actually made me cry seeing it. I'm so proud!!! I didn't get to meet baby until the evening when I came to pick Lala up and honest to god, I couldn't put her down. I wanted to run off with her!!! She's so cute and diddy. I also got a picture of me holding the baby and Lala next to me posing with a smile. I have asked permission to put them up here. If she says yes, I'll add them. - addendum - I created a whole blog post as I felt it was warranted! (and I got permission) - Here it is: Meeting Baby Tilly.

Some pictures from the weekend:

Rugby Tots
More at Rugby Tots

Give me your iPhone, Mummy (not a frigging chance Larlee)

Nutter dog Tia

Joshua enjoying the "beach"
Kisses from girl

Kisses from boy. I am so blessed!

Tea and bed methinks.

Meeting baby Tilly

Written on behalf of Lala on meeting her childminder's new baby

Today I met Baby Tilly. I was first very confused about what she was doing in my spare living room.

I observed her from a safe distance for a bit.

I did a bit of colouring for a bit while I pondered what the point of Baby Tilly was.

I also watched the Never Ending Story....

In the end I decided that I rather liked Tilly and that its really rather okay if she stays.

Mummy, Tilly & me:

Ideas for blog posts

I've been thinking a lot about what type of blog I have or what kind I want to have. I have noticed that some people have particular themes on particular days. Like Silent Sunday (find link), or Flashback Friday (a blog post where the author gives us a glimse into her past). Do I want to be as regular as that. I find that if I try to keep myself to a schedule I just don't keep to it. What I prefer to do is to blog about something if it feels right. I'm fast coming to the conclusion that that is the type of blogger I am (and am happy to be). However, I do like to have a few themes of my own even if there is no set frequency of posts. So here are my ideas:

  • My family (I started with a post about my husband - it would have been so easy to start with the kids but I thought he deserved first place as without him I wouldn't have them. I really need to get on and continue this series).
  • About me, or my history - I have done a few posts in this vein but I would like to continue to delve back into my history and past (some of it anyway) and my memories. 
  • Blogging for (and from) beginners (could also be named the Blind leading the Blind) - I blogged here about my idea of starting a Mastermind Group and maybe a blog hop to go with it in order to share the hints and tips we learn along the way and maybe get other more seasoned bloggers to chip in with some wisdom of the blogosphere.
  • Stepping back in time - Just an idea I just had of a series of blog posts that could be old facebook notes or journal entries that I wrote. 
Other things I might consider writing about in individual posts as opposed to a series:

  • My depression. Where it started and how its kept me company through the years.
  • I really thought I had more ideas for blog posts. But they all seem to have gone out of my head! How annoying!!!
Going to post this now as this is as far as I got. Started writing on 3rd January.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

PAPS - New Mum Online

So Pimp A Post Sunday is back! If you want to know more about it, check out Super Amazing Mum's post here.

Now I know that a few other people have nominated New Mum Online's post but I am going to do the same because of all the post's I've read this week, this is the one that touched me to the core. I was not lucky enough to have known Kerry and I only started following her blog after she was in hospital but it has really moved me to see how this thing that is the blogging community closes together to support and grieve for one of its own.

The post is about the Thanks Giving Service for Kerry.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Detox Day 5

18.04 - I'm glad I started my diet on the 1st of the month. Its so easy to remember what day of the diet it is. I was just about to start this post and was wondering to myself "what day are we on now?" and then I remembered that as its the 5th January, it must be day 5. Go me!

I'm lying in bed with some pillows behind me so I can lie back comfortably. I left hubby downstairs with the kids while they eat dinner. Lala only just woke up from a nap, did a massive poo (actually not THAT massive - she's a bit bunged up and tends to do smudge poos and then eventually after a lot of straining and crying, does a mahoosive mega-poo). I'm not convinced there isn't more to come, put it that way. But hubby can deal with that. I'm actually done for the night. He's been busy with a DIY project - putting a work surface in in the utility room - and while I am glad its getting done, its meant he's been able to (mainly) focus on a project (that isn't kid-related) and go back and forth from DIY shops - which I consider to be time-off from the kids (leaving me doing it all all day). He'd probably argue that he'd rather be doing something else. But its not like I'd let him go off windsurfing or golfing for the day so he'd only be here helping with the kids and housework so, yeah, I do consider it to be a break from the kids. Anyway, I'm sure some out there think: "she works full time and she's STILL complaining about the few hours at the weekend she has to spend looking after her own children". Yeah, I know. Terrible person. The thing is, I love spending time with them and doing fun things with them but this weather is 'orrible. We went out and about over the last few weeks over xmas and I figured they'd want a day at home, and a day at home sadly involves a lot of stroppiness, a lot of sibling bickering, the littlest is under the weather so, thankfully, went for a nap earlier, it involves TV that I'm not particularly interested in - although StarWars IS a step up from Mr Tumble I have to say! So while I love my children, I don't half look forward to 7pm or the time, like now, when I get to have a little bit of down-time.

Leaving the gap above to indicate that I just took a nice break and enjoyed the peace and quiet and lack of children around me. I might just doze off.

I suppose I'd better get on with this post. So, the diets been going well. I wasn't very well organised yesterday but still managed not to break my diet rules. Today I had my home-made muesli for breakfast, I have snacked on rye bread and houmous (some home-made, and some shop bought that needed using up). I made some oatcakes. They aren't as nice as the shop-bought ones I think. I reckon the shop bought ones use ground up oatcakes. And they probably add salt and sugar. But these will give me something to snack on to fill me up and not cost me anything (as the ingredients were already in the cupboard). For lunch, hubby made some curried cauliflower veggie thing with rice which was very nice. Apparently we're having nibbles for dinner. There is some coleslaw in the fridge so I'll probably have some of that.

I have had some bowel issues since yesterday. Sorry if this is TMI but lets just say things are a bit... er.... loose. I'm not sure if its a bug or if its just my body reacting to the change in diet.

I can hear a child crying downstairs. Its really very distracting. I sometimes wonder if hubby actually pays any attention to the children when he's "in charge"..... I must stop there cos I don't want to go in a "aren't men rubbish" type rant cos they really do have their uses and strong points... I mean, mine cooks and is bloody good at it. I SOOOO can't wait until their bedtime. All I can hear is Joshua crying and husband shouting at him telling him to shush. Is it just me that has the tendency to automatically assume, not that Joshua is being a little shit (like he is to me often), but that husband is just not handling things well enough. I remember those feelings much more when the kids were babies. Not so much now but it still rears its head now and again. I think "oh why can't you do it like this..." or "you should talk to him like that". I think its probably only natural as we as parents have different attitudes and values and ways of doing things. But it doesn't really help matters. Although having said that, I can hear husband banging things, which means he's still trying to finish DIY job instead of focusing on the children. With the little one ill and the older one... well, just being a shit, no wonder they are baying for his attention. I do wonder sometimes.... put down the hammer and look after your kids! Sorry hubs if you're reading this. I know, I shouldn't complain. I'm in bed with my new laptop relaxing (as much as you can relax with screaming, shouting and banging going on in the floor below). I love you lots and think you're a wonderful dad. There. Out of trouble. Tee hee.

23:11. Had intended to post this earlier but we had a friend come over and so I didn't get time (I thought I might write some more but now its too late and I'm too tired). So I will say farewell my friends, until... tomorrow probably as I appear to be a bit addicted to this blogging mallarcky.