12 days of Christmas - my take

Firstly I shamelessly ripped this blog post idea off this post from the lovely Domestic Goddesque. Hope she doesn't mind.

Here is my version: 
 
On the first day of Christmas, motherhood brought to me.....
My toddler climbing into our bed.

On the second day of Christmas, motherhood brought to me....
Porridge kisses from 2 year old
and a toddler in my bed at 3am



On the third day of Christmas, motherhood brought to me...
Dog puking on the rug,
Porridge stains on top before work run
and a toddler in my bed at 3am

On the fourth day of Christmas, motherhood brought to me...
A sheep costume to make for son's nativity,
Dog puke on the rug,
Porridge stains on my shirt
and a toddler refusing to vacate my bed at 3am

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, motherhood sent to me,
A list of obscure hard to find gifts that my relatives seem to require
Sheep costume to make (I can't sew)
Dog puke on the rug (make hubby clean it up)
Porridge stains on my shirt
and how nice would it be to NOT have a toddler in my bed at 3 fucking AM!

On the sixth day of christmas, life in general sent to me,
A general hate of christmas and all the stress that comes with it
List of obscure gifts (always MY family)
sheep ccostume to ask my mum to make
Dog puke on the rug (quick before other dog eats it - yuck!)
Porridge on my shirt (why can't you kiss me AFTER you've been changed)
and a toddler that is definitely NOT allowed in my bed at 3am anymore!!!

On the 7th day of xmas (can you tell I'm bored of typing the same line again and again), life sent to me,
4 sets of childcare providers to pay
A general hatred of christmas
list of pointless crap to buy
sheep costume done by grandma
dog puke on the rug
porridge on my shirt
and a toddler who attempts to get into my bed regardless of threats of violence towards his soft toys

On the 8th day of xmas, life sent to me
An empty bank account (due to general xmas overspending on crap that we are SUPPOSED to have and food that we probably won't eat)
3 childminders and one nursery to settle up with
general hatred of xmas
pointless crap to purchase
sheep costume (thank fuck for granny!)
a dog who eats plastic bags and then hubby has to assist on pulling them out of her arse as she shits them out (true story!!!)
porridge on my shirt
and a toddler who might as well come in with us as its the only way we're going to get any sleep tonight!

ON the 9th day of xmas
A stomach bloated from all the chocolate I've eaten
an empty bank account (overdrawn in fact)
too many people to pay
Is it over yet?
pointless crap that people can take back to shop
Sheep costume for nativity (basicaly a bath matt over the shoulders, white hat with flaps and nose painted black)
dog who shits plastic bags (and socks)
porridge on my shirt (can't think of anything else funny to say about that)
and a toddler who may as well just clamp himself back on my boob sometimes even though I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months....

On the 10th day of xmas
.....Really?

Isn't it over yet?

I'm off to crawl into a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates - sod the rest of you!!!