Today I read a post by Edspire called Not So Normal Afterall about a mum dealing with her first day of "normal" routine after the funeral of her third child, baby Matilda Mae who some of you may have heard about through Twitter and the blogging network.
I'm not even sure what I want to say in this post. Edspire's post moved me to tears as I was reading about her reactions to normal things and to her inability to hug her children (I don't judge her at all for this I just want to say). I can't say I know how she feels but I can begin to imagine. There are crass things that go through my mind to say (in this blog) - about how lucky I feel and how I feel for her. I do. And I do.
Her post is so raw and you can almost see her pain floating up out of the screen.
My instinct, if I'm honest, is to not open her blog again for a while as it makes me feel so many emotions. But she can't do that. Close the book on those emotions because its convenient to do so, so why should I. It feels unfair that this can happen to a nice lady (to anyone really).
I'm thinking about my own children asleep in bed upstairs. It makes me want to go hug them tight - but I'd probably wake them up.
What must it be like to know that you aren't going to squeese those little chubby legs again, hear that giggle again.... But in the midst of her grief, Edspire is still thinking about how her grief is affecting her family.
I am going to end here because I don't know what else to say, but if she reads it, I have a quick message for Edspire: you are amazing. Keep going. You'll get through this. We are all behind you.